Interview


I was as good or better than I’ve ever been before. Even when, last August, I volunteered for Meals on Wheels and gave blood to the victims of that tsunami, that tsunami – I never can remember the names of tsunamis, seems like there’s one every month or so. It was in the newspaper, a feature piece by Jolene Kreuger Guttierez, that the tsunami victims that moved here – maybe it was the hurricane, that hurricane last year? Feature article by Jolene Kreuger Gutierrez, with a picture of me surrounded by – not refugees, you know, because refugees are like illegal aliens, but anyway, they were people displaced by disaster, with me in the middle of them, and we were all smiling. I had a French manicure and big chunky highlights done the day before the interview.

I have been taking care of people and disasters since I was a little girl. I remember saving a puppy who was running down the street, chasing after him in my big wheel. Mama says I was calling to him, Boo, come here puppy boy, come here and he kept running the other way ‘til I thought to go get an ice cream to share with him. I had to eat it fast; it was awfully hot that day, and then awhile later that puppy came up and licked the ice cream right off my face. I put the leash on him like Mama said and then we took him to the pound, where they take care of strays and keep them off the streets.

When I became a famous sexologist, it was something I was very good at, much better than I’d ever really expected or planned to be. Sometimes, expertise just falls into a person’s lap, so to speak, and I was thrilled to say that my interior life, my inner cupboard, you might say, is just full as can be of secret pleasures. Secret Pleasures is also the title of my first book, which might have won the Charles Taylor Prize for Literary Non-fiction, had it not been for the poorly timed release of Tim Cook’s Shock Troops: Canadians Fighting the Great War, 1917 – 1918. I was happy for him, obviously,and spent some time with him at the awards ceremony that year. He does drink a bit, of course, and I had quite a headache the next day, although I didn’t let it interfere with the research for my interview with Rielle Hunter. 

“How’d you decide on your subjects, Dr. Luce?” She asked me. I was in good form, sexology is my long suit, you might say, and so I told her about my first interview long ago, with a Playboy Bunny whose name I can’t really give here for legal reasons.  Well, you know Dick Cavett was before my time, but not before this Bunny’s time. She was a bit past her prime, of course, and looking for some copy; a few inches in a tabloid goes a long way. Her secrets were relatively obvious, and at that time, you see, scandal wasn’t really scandal the way it is now.

(writing retreat activity: Using a collectively generated set of prompts, create an “unreliable narrator”.)

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