I’ve had this funny feeling lately . . .

. . . that my past has been disappearing behind me. It keeps coming up in one way or another. It’s a feeling of having become invisible. Who I am, where I’ve been, things I’ve done. Like I was born full grown and nothing before this time has any substance.

It’s a pretty insistent feeling. Rolling around at the back of my head, a slightly muffled narrative voice. Anyone else ever have the feeling that what you’re not writing about is lurking in the background, waiting to be said?


2 Responses to “I’ve had this funny feeling lately . . .”

  1. 1 ybonesy May 27, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    I’ve had a feeling, don’t know if it’s the same one, where what I have to say is growing inside me, not ready to come out. Like it’s disappeared inside me, eaten whole, not digested. I get impatient with myself. Forget that everything I’ve ever been, and anyplace I’ve ever gone to, was a trip. To there. And now I’m here.

  2. 2 Teresa May 28, 2007 at 3:27 pm

    I remember saying, when I was very very young, that everything, the minute you stop living it and start telling it, moves from the realm of fact (or history) to fiction. In essence, that everything is fiction, except in the very moment of its occurrence. So here I am, much later, thinking at times that everywhere I’ve been and everything I’ve done is or was or is about to be fiction. Perhaps I’ve been taking myself too literally. Or perhaps writing memoir is a way of reclaiming the real details of self and path. I like your image of it having disappeared inside — sort of like a snake full of lunch — uncomfortable but part of the process.

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